Deftones, Delusion and Destruction

   Music has the power to trigger powerful emotions and memories. For me, one of the most potent examples is of Deftones.

   This band has shaped my life in many ways, even to the point of supporting a type of delusion in my youth to completely destroying life as I knew it.

   Songs hold a special place in our hearts, from the silly and simple to the deep and complex. Yet for the individual, the meaning of the song doesn't necessarily line up with the personal meanings we give them.

Deftones And Delusion

   If you've never heard of Deftones, you might want to. The only two albums I'm familiar with are White Pony and Around The Fur, but they've got more stuff out there to enjoy. I'm just not ready yet. There's a lot packed into those two already for me.

Search Deftones Albums Here!

   How does music create delusion, though? For me, it was a group effort. I was nearly 17, at the height of hormonal confusion, and my life had just been turned upside down. My best friend claimed my boyfriend was trying to cheat on me with her, and he claimed she was lying. Both had "proof," and both had compelling stories.

   My brain broke a little. In the end, I chose her over him.

   A few months later, I started seeing another guy. He was a self-proclaimed player, totally aloof and non-committal. I didn't want commitment, so it was perfect. Most of that summer was spent laying in his dark basement bedroom on a waterbed listening to various cd's (remember those?!) and just cuddling.

  No, really! All we did was lay there together. Once in awhile, he would caress my arm but it was all very PG.

   There were several cd's he played on repeat (we would lay there for hours), but Deftones was the most common.

   The music was intoxicating. I had really loved my boyfriend from months before (though at 17, I knew I had no idea what love really was). In that pitch black room, surrounded by the heated warmth of the waterbed and this very sensual (yet not sexual) intimacy, a delusion was born.

   Over two and a half months, all the love I had for my previous boyfriend transferred to this new guy. The music entranced me, and spun my emotional reality into a more comfortable fantasy.

The Inevitable Truth Denied

   When summer ended, I started a relationship with the new guy. The delusion seemed to infect him for awhile, and we were pretty happy during that time. Yet eventually, I think he realized I didn't really see him. My mind had merged him with the one I was really in love with. He inevitably broke things off, with no real explanation.

   I went semi-psychotic after that.

   Continuing to listen to Deftones, the memories of love began to untangle. Why did he leave me? Wasn't it love? I'm ashamed to say I got quite obsessed, and that 'love' feeling transferred to others in the year or so that followed.

Wow, This Is Long

   I'm currently enjoying listening to those two Deftones albums, and it brings up so many memories of a very complicated time in my life. This post is only the beginning. The full story is way too long to write in one go.

   You may have experienced something similar in your life. A song, an album, or an entire collection from a singer, band, orchestra, etc. may have seemed to twist the air around you. Reality blends with a sort of delusional fantasy in those moments, and it's almost unreal. Perhaps it's surreal.

   It's really no surprise that some of our favorite performers were intoxicated while writing and/or recording these tracks. While in my youth I experimented like a lot of other teens, I assure you the Deftones delusion happened while I was completely sober. No promises about whether Deftones were, though.

   What songs have changed your view of reality? Or does the idea just sound wacky and insane? Leave a comment below or on Facebook either way.

~See ya next time, Internet Drifters! Stay tuned for the rest of the story!