What's the point of having my own website and blog if I'm always worried about hiding behind some face of professionalism? This is me, raw and unfiltered. Well, mostly.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. Some would say most creative types do. I don't think it's so black and white, myself. But what do I know? I'm no psychologist.
Sometimes I get productive highs and I feel unstoppable. I'll have such lofty hopes and ideas just flow like exhalations of my spirit. It's hard to remember to stop and rest, but it's so much fun I don't want to stop.
Usually I start huge projects I can't possibly finish before the cycle begins to decline. Stuck in the middle of a gargantuan undertaking, I will feel my chemicals nag at me, pulling me away to think about something else, work on something more pressing. Sometimes I resist, and every once in awhile I actually get to *mostly* finish before the low hits. This site is one of those rare moments.
I'm so glad I got most of this overhaul complete, with a bit of time to float around and consider what to tackle next. There's a lot left to do here, but for a first pass, I'd call it a working completion. In past revisions, I left a lot more undone. This time, I have a working blog designed JUST to share my semi-daily experiences. Blogs in the past had rigid rules about what topic I could write about, so posting became too restrictive to keep up.
This time, even at my low I can find something to add. Like right now.
I won't launch into a pity party about how useless and powerless I feel. Already did that with some friends- and scared them away for the time being. I will say, however, if you're reading this as an aspiring... anything, find some way to create art through your passions. Even in the low times. Especially in the low times. At the very least it helps relieve the pressure while you're waiting for the cycle to turn around so you can get back to work again.
And who knows? Maybe the low times are worthwhile in their own right. I know I'm not the only one that is feeling this way right now, or ever. Maybe my words, shouting out from the darkness into the infinite space of the interwebs, will reach someone that really needs it. I can only hope to be such an inspiration to another soul as lost as my own to get through another day. Sometimes, that's all there is, getting through it.